ALL-TIME GREATS - Rock/metal bands #1

(By Melody Werner)
Being a huge nerd, I listen to a lot of music. And I've favored rock, as well as its younger-but-bigger sister, metal, ever since I was a kid. I grew up on nü metal and its ilk, but lately I have been diving into legendary bands that I have never listened to before--as well as more underground groups who I would rate exceedingly high. Here, I would like to share my thoughts on bands that have already earned their battle scars and places in rock/metal history, as well as share bands that I feel have made essential tunes in an era where these genres have fallen off in the mainstream.

This is by no means a comprehensive list. In fact, I intentionally left off a number of huge bands for the sake of doing several more of these articles down the road. They just take a while to produce, so they may be a while! I have to listen to some songs from the bands I'm not already familiar with, tee up the logos, craft the write-ups themselves, format, etc.--all in-between other things I'm doing. Also: this list runs the gamut of subgenres and levels of heaviness. It's not just blackened vegan deathcore, it's not just pillowy pop rock--but anything across the spectrum that I feel deserves to be remembered (or, in some cases, will be remembered, to my chagrin) is gonna get a spot. Another thing to note is that this does not include any solo artists; those are for another list.

Do feel free to recommend some niche bands you believe deserve words in their name--but be patient if it's a huge band I'd know of. They'll get their time in the spotlight eventually. Or they won't and your suggestion probably won't change that, lol.

Nirvana is one of those bands. You know the ones. They're the kind of band who everyone loves their work, but not everyone was supposed to. Kurt Cobain, a loudmouth intersectional feminist, was particularly adamant about a... certain... subset of their fanbase that he wanted nothing to do with. Going so far as to write a song insulting them--AND IT'S ONE OF THEIR MOST BELOVED TRACKS EVER, EVEN AMONG THE ASSHOLES WHO HE WAS TRYING TO SCARE OFF. Ouch.

Lyrical chops aside, Nirvana also represented a sea change in the rock and metal scenes towards emotional and thoughtful lyricism. They were one of the foremost grunge bands--scratch that, they were THE essential grunge band. (sorry Pearl Jam.)

I got into Judas Priest very late into the game. Sorry, I guess. But if it helps, I really love this band. Firepower was easily one of my favorite albums I listened to in 2019, and I wound up adoring every track. Not to mention but, like a certain other frontman I'll be talking about (you know the one), Rob Halford is particularly important to the metal scene for going up in front of metal crowds--who can be just as brutal as the pummeling riffs they're so fond of--and just being who he is, loving who he loves, and owning that.

Metallica is a band I've never had much history with. Heretical, I know. Basically, I always used to get my rock and metal from what my mom listened to--and she's always fucking loathed Metallica. So, while I've listened to some bits of their diddies before that slipped through the cracks between my mother's anti-Metallica iron curtain (usually through the radio, etc.), I've only recently come back around to the band. It's been many years since my tastes and my mother's diverged--I'm 21 and living far away from that callous scumbag--so no shit, but I never felt the urge to come back around to 'em. That is, until the past year when I've gotten back into vocal music after a few years long sabbatical--something I would attribute to theneedledrop, even though it was the radio that got my eyes on bands like Ghost.

See, I always secretly enjoyed Metallica a bit--and I get the feeling that my mother does too, since she would always begin to jam to Metallica when they came on the radio until I'd go "Oh hey, this is Metallica." People are weird. So I'm really happy I decided to do this segment, cuz it's gotten me to dive into some of their older stuff and it's just great thus far. I haven't tried any of their material between The Black Album and Hardwired… to Self-Destruct, which I know has been incredibly divisive--but I have listened to a few tracks off of Hardwired, including "Moth Into Flame" and "Spit Out the Bone," which I dig a ton.

Rush is certainly one of the most definitive prog rock bands to ever grace the mainstream. I can't say that this is really my speed--I enjoy what I've listened to, and respect their artistry, I'm just not head over heels or listening to them frequently--but their music has held up remarkably well from its heyday to "current year."

Also, RIP Neal Peart.

Megadeth's older material is fine, I guess. That's honestly kind of all I have to say; it's aggressively average thrash, especially by today's standards. As for their newer material... no, fuck off. Eat my dick or cock, Dave Mustaine. I will build a great wall along Dystopia and not let any of your shitty lil xenophobic screeds in.

TL;DR, Testament's better.

Nü metal is a subgenre that gets a lot of shit these days--but System of a Down are uncontested legends who get their due respect across the board, even in spite of their being nü metal. Toxicity is an absolute classic and Serj Tankien is an incredible vocalist with a one of a kind voice. His delivery is so manic, theatrical, and suitably anarchic. Everyone else in the band also kicks ass. Being a leftist cuck, I obviously love their lyrics too. SOAD is a band that I could never get into when I was a big nü metal fanatic, which sucks because they're no doubt one of the best bands in that sphere of metal--if not one of the best metal bands, period.

While I definitely do bump Judas Priest over any other heavy metal band, Black Sabbath is an incredibly respectable band with tons of bangers in their back catalogue. Ozzy Osborne is one of those transcendent frontmen who's gone on to be more popular than his old band (you can't discount Rodney Dio though), but you still gotta hand it to these trailblazers.

What's your favorite "internet band"? Mine's definitely Johnny Manchild and the Poor Bastards, a unique and funky alternative rock band melding ska, jazz, and more into lush, festive, and progressive anthems. Where they go from here is anyone's guess, but I'd say they're destined for greatness at this rate.

What do you get when you put metal, rap, funk, and far left calls to action into a blender? One of the best bands of all time, hands down. Absolutely top five. While some ignorantly mock their name, it's a perfect description of their sound: righteous, cathartic anger aimed directly at the powers that be. Rage Against the Machine's polemical self-titled album is such a phenomenal listen, even to this day.

Does Gorillaz count as a band? After all, it's just Damon Albarn doing the music--and Jamie Hewlett doing the art. The answer is yes: a virtual band is still a band, so long as we're talking about the characters. But is it fair to call Gorillaz rock? Sure, the "band" operates outside of genre--much like the guy pulling their strings does--but is there a better way of describing Gorillaz? And is rock/metal not wide enough categorically to fit something like Gorillaz in? I think it's more of an umbrella than something hyper-specific.

All that rigmarole aside, even though I grew up in the 'oughts, I never listened to Gorillaz. Sorry? I was more into nü metal at the time. What's cool about Gorillaz as a newcomer is the incredible versatility. I won't say that listening to it now is changing my life or anything, but it's some good shit that many rock fans are gonna enjoy. And the whole virtual band deal is something really unique, awesome, and ground-breaking.

Ahhhhh, Pink Floyd--name a more iconic progressive rock band. Name a more progressive progressive rock band. The Wall is dope--especially for the fact that it is named after the greatest album and feature film of all time, Nostalgia Critic's The Wall--BWAHAHAHAHAA!

Sleater-Kinney, now that's an interesting band to talk about. Carrying on the legacy of the riot grrrl scene (Corin Tucker and Carrie Brownstein were from two riot grrrl bands, Heavens to Betsy and Excuse 17, before Sleater-Kinney, after all)--with all of the incendiary revolutionism, rough production, and abrasive vocals endemic to classic riot grrrl. Personally, I enjoy their tunes quite a bit, though I won't say I've heard anything yet that I'd spin all too often.

Oh yeah, and that article from Spin outing Corin and Carrie as bi back in the day? It gets a vomit emoji/10.

Led Zeppelin are one of those bands that everyone loves. Hard rock gods--and "Stairway to Heaven" remains one of the best songs ever--in any genre. Led Zeppelin in their heyday were firing on all cylinders, with crackling instrumentals, electrifying vocals, and wonderful lyrics.

Ahhhhhhhh, I know I'm in the minority on this one, but Behemoth's magnum opus, The Satanist, is... really dull to me. I'm sorry, it may just be my predisposed distaste for this vocal style, but I cannot get into it. Not that Nergal and his ilk are too le hardcore for moi--the instrumentals are similarly hardcore and I adore them on this album. They're gloriously menacing and pulse-pounding. I just find this vocal delivery really tiresome and monotonous. Intimidating is good in metal, but nonstop screaming for an entire album is bound to have me rolling my eyes. If you're not going to do clean vocals whatsoever, I prefer something more along the lines of Mastodon, and I'd like the occasional solo or something.

That said, I can respect the dedication to this brand of metal and how well regarded Behemoth is to this scene.

This list is sorta chock full of grimy, edgy metal bands, so if you're looking for something a little more upbeat but also worldly and singular, then Moron Police deserves your rapt attention at the very least. Their third LP from 2018, A Boat on the Sea, is an absolute must-listen and ought to be on course for cult classic status.

Radiohead is incredibly talented and their music is beautiful--certain to weather the sands of time--but I don't want to talk about them because they're fucking idiots. Is it so fucking hard to not play music in illegally occupied territory run by an alt-right government? Of course not all Israeli civilians are responsible for the ways in which Palestinians are treated! But that's not the point of BDS. The point is to deprive the Likud of as much money as possible to force them to take a seat at the table and treat Palestinians with decency.

Just... duh.

Hole back in the 90's was one of the big grunge bands, like Nirvana, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, or Alice in Chains. These days, after many a stupid conspiracy theory about the demise of Kurt Cobain, Hole has been damn near completely forgotten. Now, Courtney Love (Hole's frontwoman) obviously didn't kill Kurt Cobain, and those bullshit theories are just people attempting to rationalize how someone can kill themselves after having "made it." Confronting mental illness and the ails of laissez-faire capitalism is a cross most would rather not bear--when they can instead concoct crackpot theories to avoid the fact that the guy who was openly tortured and constantly misunderstood felt so tortured and misunderstood that he took his own life.

Love has become a laughingstock in the intervening years, and it is completely unearned; in the form it has generally come in, at least. That New Radicals lyric is fucking savage AF, to put it in 2017 terms. As the front of Hole, she did a respectable job with the emotional singing that is the calling card of grunge. The rest of the band were also solid players. That said, Hole was not Nirvana or Soundgarden. Courtney Love was not Kurt Cobain. This is not to say that she HAD to be, but to say that what she and Hole were doing was being done better at the time by other vocalists and other bands. Hole still deserves a place in rock history for some solid music, but it is a placing that must be tempered.

Tool's great--they take these complex compositions and make them work so well that you don't have to be a mathematician to enjoy their monumental, earth-shattering progressive metal. Frontman Maynard James Keenan in recent years may have attempted to get himself called the band's name, but the guy's talented and, contrary to what dumb concoctions he may have about the new generations having "infinitesimal attention spans," I love his music.

Getting ideas from 4chan is a bad idea itself--but for some odd reason, that worked out perfectly for Zeal & Ardor frontman and multi-instrumentalist, Manuel Gagneux. Z&A has an incredible concept, story--and the outstanding tunes to back it all up. There's no band quite like Z&A out there, trust me.

(also, I remain infatuated with "Ship on Fire")

Try to think of a more quintessential party rock band than AC/DC. I'll wait.

While I do believe there are more fun bands out there (Queen, King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard, Johnny Manchild, Foo Fighters, Ghost, Wellmess, and Judas Priest, to name a few), AC/DC is still an enjoyable band with tons of standout bangers under their belt. You probably have at least one song of theirs that you adore. Mine's "TNT." 

Now, Anthrax are pretty cool. Of the "Big Four," they are often considered to be the weakest of the bunch--I would personally put them over Megadeth from what I've heard. They've yet to prove to me that they deserve to be one of my all-time faves, but I'll give it to them that they rock pretty hard all the same.

You know, I always thought that Iron Maiden, Metallica, etc. were these super hardcore bands that'd be difficult to get into. But for the past year or so, I've been getting into more metal outside of bands like Five Finger Death Punch and Avenged Sevenfold--bands I've since fallen off of, but are no more accessible or less le hardcore than Iron Maiden is--so I've finally dove in on some Maiden. And you know what? I dig the hell outta what I've tried so far. Fun stuff.

Pantera is a band that I have no real problems with in particular, other than the few cuts of theirs that I've given a bash not having blown me away. "Walk" is pretty badass, but--and maybe someone will beat me up for saying this--I've heard better? Still, they were pretty cutting edge for their time, and have inspired a number of newer groove metal bands--hell, they inspired older bands (namely Metallica) to try their own hands at some groove metal back in the 90's. That's pretty impressive.

If you've read my Ghost reviews before, you already know why they're here. While they have a neat anonymity gimmick that'd make them a perfect live band to see in concert, it's their music that applies a doom metal theme to pop rock that keeps people coming back to them--people like me.

Ghost has put out multiple top of the pile albums and EP's in the past few years, and I am all too eager to see what's next for them.

So you know how I thought Iron Maiden and Metallica were these bands you just CANNOT get into? Mayhem is the EXACT band I thought those two would be. To be fair, Mayhem has, along with Emperor and their ilk, paved the way for one of the most exclusive, hostile, and downright nasty music scenes, period. Throughout its decades long existence, you have had band-mates in Mayhem literally murdering each other, going to jail, and becoming bona fide Neo-Nazis. You have had band-mates in Mayhem throw others down flights of stairs because they had phoned it in during tours. You have had band-mates in Mayhem committing widespread acts of arson. Mayhem has established black metal as THE most truly evil genre out there; and their consequent notoriety speaks for itself.

I can't say I enjoy their music all that much, if I'm going to be completely honest with you. It feels trite and dull. It's not that Mayhem are "too hard" for me or whatever--no matter how punishing or shocking their music is, I bet you I could sleep to this shit. I've listened to enough metal that even the hardest stuff doesn't rattle me anymore. And I know that statement reeks of machismo, but I'm not much one for macho bullshit. It's just true. That said, I'm not gonna label you a bad person if you enjoy Mayhem, or whatever. I'll reserve my labels of "evil" for the band itself, which is truly evil.

Freddie Mercury is perhaps the greatest frontman of all time (I'd argue it). He was certainly one of a kind. Not only did he have the stage presence, astounding vocals--but he was, and continues to be, an inspiring figure in the LGBT+ community. 'Tis a shame that his legacy to the entertainment industry was only interesting when it was financially viable enough to release a shitty biopic with a decidedly less affable man at its helm.

Queen as a whole were (and I say "were" because is it really Queen without Freddie Mercury?) a total MACHINE. Killer track after killer track that only further cemented themselves as a rock band that will have immense staying power.

Now, King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard had already established themselves as a milestone for rock history as soon as they decided to title their band that. Obviously, it is by far and away the greatest band name OF ALL TIME. You cannot deny this. 

But KG&tLW is in no way a mere novelty outfit, with their brand of psychedelic stoner rock and, more recently, thrash metal. The fact that they are able to so effectively craft quality music across these dissonant genres is truly impressive, and is a sign that these lads can go in various directions successfully where others cannot.

BABYMETAL is a j-metal band I hadn't listened to before this segment--but now that I have dabbled with some of their tracks, I wish I had given them a go sooner. They've got this unique sound that feels like heavy metal by way of Disney. Which you might say shouldn't work, but it honest to god does. Fantastic, crunchy instrumentation and cute vocals--it's a unique combo they've found a way to make work. I'll try to be more thorough in an actual review of one of their albums, lol, I promise.

What makes BABYMETAL intriguing in a metal history context (not to say their music isn't of note itself) is how effectively they have put Japan on the map for metal in an international lens. That's pretty damn impressive, and kudos for how they have opened the door for similar acts to do well in markets like the North American or European.

Foo Fighters is a band that has had everything going for them in some sense at at least one point since they started up. The most obvious factor in their success is their frontman, former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl. Grohl has only proven in the intervening years between the tragic end of Nirvana and now that he is a man of many talents. His vocals are incredible and--as I will never cease to point out when reviewing FF material--the guy must have one of the sexiest voices in rock. Foo Fighters is a band I have adored since I was a kid and, unlike a lot of bands of my adolescence, my appreciation for Foo Fighters has only grown.

Deafheaven may not be my bag--they're an experimental metal outfit, melding the sounds of death metal, post-rock, and shoegaze into a one of a kind package. Their 2013 epic, Sunbather, was one of the most critically-acclaimed albums of the 2010's. Definitely a boundary-pushing band that metal history will remember.

Have you listened to Algiers yet? No? The fuck's wrong with you? Kidding, of course, but they truly are one of the best bands out there at the moment. Absolutely devastating combination of post-punk and soul. Completely unique, and their songs are always meaty, thoughtful barn-burners. I DARE you not to groove along with "The Underside of Power," "Dispossession," or "Black Eunuch."

I think any metal aficionados will have to agree that Mastodon is by far and away the definitive sludge metal band--even if they have since moved away from that sound with the 2017 record Emperor of Sand. Sure, they weren't the first ones and I could absolutely see you favoring a different sludge metal band (High on Fire, perchance?), but they were the ones to push the subgenre out there for many people and have inspired other bands to try their hands at this kind of music. Personally, I rather enjoy what I've heard of the band, including some of their older sludge metal classics and their newer, more alternative rock songs.

If you're wondering why I'm trying out a bunch of bands that don't seem like they'd be my speed from the outset (other to try and gain a more holistic understanding of rock and metal in an academic sense), Mastodon'd be it. Mastodon doesn't seem like my bag, honestly, but I will let "Blood and Thunder" wreck my shit for the foreseeable future. What a fookin' banger.

*sigh* Touching on The Cranberries when the passing of frontwoman Dolores O'Riordan is still so relatively recent was a mistake. But they certainly deserve kudos for their thought-provoking lyricism and touching balladry. Not a personal favorite, but even as a noob to their music, I can say they're definitely a legendary group.

Bikini Kill was the number one pioneer in the radical feminist riot grrrl scene for 90's punk. Which is pretty cool, even if their revolutionary lyrics have confusingly been used to prop up the trans-exclusionary status quo politician that is Hillary Clinton. (and yeah, I know Bikini Kill's Kathleen Hanna and her other band Le Tigre endorsed Hillary in song. Again, confusing.)

My disdain for pseudo-feminist Clintonism aside, Bikini Kill definitely have some tracks that absolutely hold up to this day. "Rebel Girl" in particular rocks shit. Definitely respect these girls and their contributions to rock and punk.

Ha! So you thought I wasn't gonna include all of "the Big Four" in this first installment of ATG - Rock/Metal Bands? Think again, fool!

Jokes aside, Slayer's pretty dope. Their music: it's messy, it's loud, it's abrasive, it's pulse-pounding, it's relentless. Pretty much what you'd want from thrash. I won't say it's my favorite thrash, but it's certainly some good shit.